Be Fair to All
Don’t just be a good father to the kids in the nuclear home you have. You made this situation. Deal with it like a man. Don’t hide your satelite kids. Don’t neglect them. Don’t have an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality with them. Don’t be an a-hole to the mothers that want nothing to do with you sexually or as an love interest and simply want you to take care of your responsibilities. That’s bitter bro. Don’t be that dude.
If you have a baby by a woman you have to invest in that woman. Sorry, that’s a fact. Society might tell you it’s cool to treat her like you never loved her but as long as she’s primary care giver of your child(ren), she deserves respect. Also, she deserves to be worked with. She deserves help to grow and be the best mother your kid can have because the alternative to her not growing is being stagnant and potentially ratchet. Trust me, if she has any ratchet tendencies no amount of balancing on your end will repair the damage to your child. Your best bet is to work with this woman and establish TRUST and RESPECT. I know, I know… it’s hard using those 2 words with a bitter ex but remember, your life ain’t about *YOU* any more.
The Main Mother has to be a TEAM MATE
This one is VERY important. Whether you’re with one of the mothers of your kids or you duped some new lady into buying into your dreams, you have to have a woman in your life that’s a TEAM MATE. I’ll repeat: Team-mutha-effin-MATE. She has to buy into the TEAM concept. It’s about US! My kids are apart of US. They are part of the TEAM. We building something together, them included. The kids are the forefront.
For myself personally, I sat my lady down and we talked about the obstacles of my situation that *I created* alone. I can deal with all the personal struggles, personally. I can handle the child support, the frustrations of not being able to see my kids when I want or do for them what I want when I want. I can deal with the pains of having 2 additional women to deal with for life. I can deal with those things alone. But I won’t raise my kids alone. Not if I’m with somebody. My lady and I have 2 kids together and I have 2 kids separate but we had to agree that the kids are shielded in love and protected from any drama. We agreed to be a TEAM. When we brought our house, we brought it with all 4 kids in mind, not just the 2 that live with us permanently. When we make weekend decisions we make them with all the kids in mind. When I deal with the mother’s of my 2 women outside the home, *I* deal with them. Which brings me to my final point of this post.
Sheild Your Main Lady and Keep Your Baby Mamas Separated.
But wait Willie Lee! You mean to tell me that you have to sheild your lady from the other women and keep them from dealing with each other? Um… yes, *initially*. Now, if you got kids by mature, emotionally stable women who have gotten past the hurt… by all means, invite them all over for cocktails. Hell, invite me to, I wanna see it and learn from you Obi-Won, lol. For most of us, early on, the resentment and bitterness of you choosing a nuclear home and a to concentrate on one woman breeds all kinds of issues. For me, I know nothing worse that 2 women who have you by the balls (read as: are custodial parents of your children) and able to JOIN FORCES to make your life (and your main lady’s) a living hell. You don’t need those problems. My head hurts just thinking about if mine linked up, lol.
Once you have KIDS your life ain't about "YOU" anymore… #GardeningTips4Dads
— Parenting Advice (@WaterYourSeeds) January 5, 2015
Okay, Okay, Okay!
I’ve reached my word legal limit! I promise to break the next few up into shorter intervals!
Leave me a comment and tell me what you think!