We all see it, we just ignore it. A woman who’s been emotionally hurt by a man using the kids to hurt him. A man mad that he can no longer sleep with the mother, withholding his time, love and affection towards his children out of spite. It happens all too often but we turn a blind eye to it and allow it to continue.
We often side with whomever is on our side. Literally. Our perspective of “bitter baby mama’s” and “deadbeat dads” depends largely on which of the parents is our friends and loved ones when in reality we do all involved a disservice by not looking at the circumstances objectively. Those who are hurt the most, often times, are the children.
Think about it: You listen to your girlfriends complain about their baby’s daddy and how he’s a deadbeat or how he ran off with some “young heaux” but the truth my be that the same mother that’s complaining really is withholding the father’s children from him because he’s moved on and she hasn’t. I know plenty of men that beg for time and access to their children and the mothers are on facebook throwing pity parties about how they had kids by a deadbeat.
On the flip side: You shoot ball with your homies who complain about how their exes are “bitter bishes” and that they won’t let them see their children. These men fail to mention that they refuse to pay child support (though they rollin’ nice with the freshest sneakers) and that they are inconsistent with time and attention if they can’t sample some of the mothers cookies every now and then.
When we allow our friends and loved ones to use kids as a weapon to manipulate and hurt the other parent, we are active participants in these “Parental Wars” which often end up damaging the lives of some well intentioned, good people. Often times, kids that are used as weapons don’t know they are manipulated into hurting the other parent but the sad part is that growing up without the balance of cooperating parents, they often repeat the cycle of devaluing the opposite parent…