Home / Parenting 101 / What to do if you think it’s not your child: Part 1

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What to do if you think

it’s not your child

I just want to say, this post is not for the cowardly, putting on his track shoes to bail, type of brothas who get women pregnant then make up excuses of how she was sleeping with “everybody” and it couldn’t possibly be his.  This post is not for you.  Maury is for you.  Not #WaterYourSeeds.

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Anywho, this post is for the fellas out there that genuinely are confused as to how they are having a baby.  We gonna deal with this at various levels of intelligence and knowledge base.

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The Birds and the Bees
You see, when a man loves a woman (or atleast can get aroused enough to get a hard ‘willie junior’) he consummates these feelings by engaging in sexual intercourse.  If he doesn’t use any protection and he releases his guy fluid (not pee) in side of her female region he may potentially start the life creating process depending on a number of factors regarding the young lady’s internal body.

At this point, if that was you, there’s a good chance it could be your child.  If you are or were that “green” tho, I suggest you getting some books and reading up on the subjects of male/female anatomy & physiology and “what to do when you’re expecting”.
kindlebuyswebsitebannerblue What to do if you think its not your child: Part 1

The Condom Route
Here you have a guy who stays “strapped up” whenever he has to “bust a cap”.  Well, if you finished “shooting” and you notice that your gun tip is exposed (sigh, I hate when I start an analogy then it starts drifting away into nonsense).  Well, let me just say, if you used a condom and were saying to yourself as you were stroking “damn, this feels better than usual…” but you shrug it off as she’s just extra gushy, don’t be surprised if when you eventually pull out the condom has burst and your “willie junior” has released an unrestrained load of swimmers in her vahjayjay.

At this point, you need to say (to yourself, not out loud) “Oh Sh*t!”  (side note: to my guys who have or will have this happen to you fret not!  As soon as you pull out, let her know.  Tell her you will buy a Morning After Pill  for about 25 big ones and *WATCH* her take *AND* swallow it.)  Any who, for the guys with the baby on the way in this situation, I’ll give you advice later when I wrap this post up (sorry about the pun).
GREEN WHTOPICS BANNER 900 What to do if you think its not your child: Part 1

The Pre-Cumm Route
The way this works is you don’t bust a load of man juice/guy fluid per say, you just leaked jusssssss a lil…
The problem is, even that little bit you leaked got some strong swimmers in it.  And one lucky swimmer made it pretty far.  Far enough to fertilize that egg.  Sorry.  I mean, congrats!  That really is miraculous.  Think about it.  You didn’t even climax yet you reaping the rewards of the act!  Well, it doesn’t sound that fun that way but still, it’s pretty dope.  You really got some strong swimming fools down there!  You must squat a lot, huh?

Anywho, at this point, I would be looking at homegirl real side eye…  I don’t know, I mean, I don’t really believe in miracles and I know when I don’t cum.  I’m not buying the miraculous conception bid.  I ain’t the Most High and she da*n sure ain’t Mother Mary.  What I am buying is a paternity test.
hunnywellsbannerad What to do if you think its not your child: Part 1

{Editor’s Note:  The “Pull out Method” technically falls under here but, c’mon bro…}

For the Climax of this post (I did it again!), Click HERE

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  1. […] What to do Part 1: Continued from HERE […]

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